Saturday, May 19, 2012

On the Zombie Apocalyse: Weapons

So, based on the in depth discussion at our recent writing meeting, I have felt it necessary to clarify my general strategies for the eventual coming of the zombie apocalypse. After all, one can never be too well prepared for those sorts of things...

In any case, my choices of zombie hunting gear would not, in fact, be a shotgun and chainsaw. Too much (infected) blood flying everywhere. Besides, if you ever find yourself at close range fighting a pack of zombies, you're probably going to go down anyway. Especially if the infection can be spread with just a simple bite. Better to keep things at a distance.

With that in mind, my primary weapon would probably be a kind of sniper rifle. Given my previous predilections, I would probably try to go with a Mosin-Nagant sniper rifle. The accuracy is something that would be needed in a world where bullets are rare and the shots are critical, and it is a very effective gun. And really, could you go wrong with the gun the White Death used? I think not. In addition, the gun could be used for hunting; in Texas that would have meant shooting hogs. In Pennsylvania I don't know, deer maybe? Anything better than going herbivore...

For the occasional, unavoidable close range encounter, I think a splitting maul would work the best. With a zombie, the main threats are the teeth, the numbers, and the fact that they are infectious as a sewer drain. Not to mention the 'dead already' thing. So weapons like knives aren't going to cut it (pardon the pun). Not enough damage done fast enough, the stupid zombie's not even going to notice getting slashed. That's not to mention the fact that the more blood you spray around, the more you risk getting infected anyway.

The best way to down a zombie is with one big hit, hopefully one that does the kind of damage that breaks bones and knocks it down. That way if you need to, you can run without having to worry about it hanging on or coming after you. A hammer doesn't break or dull, and the worst I have to worry about is maybe making a new handle for it. Plus, the sledge/axe combo can help with all kinds of work outside of combat, from splitting wood to pounding (dare I say it) fence posts into post holes or something. Of course, carrying around something that heavy would be a drag, but the benefits would totally be worth it.

So yeah, now you know both my primary and backup zombie apocalypse weapons. Good times, right? Of course, to use either of these two, I would probably need to be more experienced. As in, actually owning the rifle and practicing with it, or not being a scrawny, pipsqueak cross country runner. You know, little details. :) The best defense is probably where you would live during something like this anywa, but that's a post for another day...

Anyway, hope you are enjoying the weekend, and I'll see you around!


  1. My weapons of choice:

    Remington bolt-action rifle.
    26" Kukri.
    Molotov cocktails.

    The following would also be good in a pinch:

    Golf club.
    AA12 Shotgun (though it would probably run out of ammo REAL fast).
    Desert Eagle.
    Any handgun that can handle wadcutters.

    When I was working temp jobs, I used to daydream about this ALL THE TIME. Literally, everywhere I went, I asked them what the zombie contingency plan was. After that, I looked for Velociraptor entry points. I never found a workplace that was totally secure...

  2. @Megan Yes, postholes. Shudder.

    @ Joe, I think I agree with you. Far too many modern businesses neglect the importance of zombie/velociraptor security. There should be a law or something! Molotovs though? Seems like that would just result in flaming zombies chasing me.